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A long time ago, I believed my value depended on what I could offer, whether at work or in my private life. I worked in the pharmaceutical sector for over a decade.

Initially, I believed that financial stability was my salvation and that achieving total independence would define my success. Success and perfection were my ultimate goals. However, I often faced obstacles I couldn't identify, which turned out to be internal blocks that hindered my progress. To address this, I embarked on a journey to discover what I believed would be 'fixing me.'

 

I questioned why I found certain things challenging when they seemed easy for others. Why did anxiety overshadow my life? Why couldn't I trust easily? Why was I constantly tense, as if awaiting impending doom?

 

These extensive blockages affected various areas of my life: friendships, opportunities, relationships, career advancement, and meaningful experiences. The answers, fixes, and solutions I sought eluded my conscious mind; they were buried much deeper in my subconscious mind.

As someone who enjoys fact-finding missions, I found it relatively easy to research and identify what felt "wrong." Although the knowledge was scattered, I eventually learned to label my feelings. I realised that I was dealing with trauma, complex PTSD, workaholism, and functional depression.

 

With this clarity came understanding. However, bridging the gap between knowledge and real change remained unattainable. I could articulate my thoughts, but creating actual change and a new trajectory was a separate journey.

 

As humans, we are complex and unique, and the idea that someone could fully grasp my experience felt unrealistic and idealistic to me. Hence, I stopped seeking therapeutic assistance. I had self-awareness, and learning new words to label emotions wasn’t going to make a difference to the blockages I was sensing. No single solution fits all; waiting for a saviour to customise the right matching solution or path felt unrealistic and self-deprecating to me. I wanted to take charge of my own journey. This realisation launched my long path of exploration and growth. Encountering various coaches, guides, tools, teachers, and fellow students, I embraced my journey as a humble student of both myself and life.

 

I realised that ‘fixed’ and ‘healed’ did not exist. What I truly sought was ‘balance’ and the ability to restore myself to it. Since life keeps happening, the goal isn’t to never experience pain or hurt, but to learn how to return to balance when it occurs.

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Ultimately, I discovered that the mind alone offered an incomplete picture. I needed to engage my entire being—emotional, physical, and mental.

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Below are the diplomas and education I have gathered along my journey, tools I will continue to build upon:

**Psychodynamic Counselling (CertHE)**, Birkbeck University London, 2020-2022. 

**Certificate in Systemic Practice with Families and Couples**, 2022-2023. 

**Transformational Breath Facillitator **, 2024-2026